sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
