Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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