I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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