Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have fence marks all over my body
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
