Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
