oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How external is "for external use only"?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
