If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
