So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
