Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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