I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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