She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
