So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
