I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
