I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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