just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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