Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You're like the curious george of whores
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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