Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
