im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
