she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
