Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
