apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
