He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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