My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
