she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
