have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
