A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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