Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
