I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
