i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
