hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
