I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
