you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
