is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
