I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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