Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
