My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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