thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
