1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
