if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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