I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
