Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
