i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
