Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
