he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize
