I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
