so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
