I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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