Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
