I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Randomize
