CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
