My liver just broke up with me...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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