Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
