no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
