She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
