They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize