i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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