I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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